IF | A Novel Page 6

  Our lips slow and then still as he pulls back, staring down into my eyes, and I almost stop breathing completely when I see the intensity swirling in his gaze. All I can do is stare into his deep stormy eyes as he pants and his breath tickles my swollen lips.

  “Are you sure?” he speaks softly.

  “I’ve never been more sure of anything,” I whisper.

  We stay in this position for a moment, taking each other in, my arms tight around his neck. One of his hands rests on my waist, the other leaning on the bed by my head. In the quiet, our heavy breathing seems to intensify the raw need in each of us.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful, Em,” he says hoarsely, as if in pain. “I just want to remember you like this.” His eyes rake over me. “With your hair splayed across my sheets and your scent screwing with my head. Nothing will ever be better than this moment.”

  At his words, I release my grip on his neck and slide my hands down to his sculpted chest. I’m awed at the perfect contradiction his body is—hard muscles and soft skin.

  With each of my touches, Lincoln’s chest rises and falls, his breathing heavy. I trace every defined crease of his abdomen. He lets out a deep groan and sucks in a quick breath when I run my fingers along the V at the bottom, lingering and teasing him.

  My body instantly responds, and I sigh when he brings his mouth to my neck, his lips trailing down my skin. He slides one hand under my back and undoes the clasp of my bra. My head drops back, giving him more access to my neck as I arch my back so he can release the strap. Nipping and sucking behind my ear, he lets his fingertips slide over my shoulder, pushing down the strap, then repeating the motion on the other side.

  I close my eyes, reveling in his touch. My hands slip into his hair, tugging gently as he removes the pink material, pushing it away. With a deep exhale, he runs his hand over my stomach, up to my breast, cupping it and teasing the nipple.

  I arch against his warm palm, because it feels so good.

  Sensing my need, Lincoln glides both his hands down my sides, heating my skin before he undoes the button on my jeans. Gripping both sides, he slides them off, along with my panties, pulling them down my legs. Once they’re gone, his palms find my knees again and I let out a long faltering breath when his hands slide up the insides of my thighs.

  His face appears above mine again, and his lips take mine in an unrushed kiss that seems to go on forever. My knees twitch when his fingers wander between my legs. I shake with each skilled movement. My hips arch into his touch. He’s being gentle, but there is an edge to the way he touches me, and the way he bites and nips, tasting my skin.

  I dig my nails into the flesh on his back as his fingers begin to caress and tease me in the most painfully beautiful way. Everything inside of me is overheated and shaking.

  He kisses me hungrily as he lowers himself down so our chests are pressed together. The feel of the weight of his body on mine causes my nipples to pull tighter and my legs to shift restlessly against his hand. His fingers move with purpose. Each touch makes me feel breathless and overwhelmed. The muscles on his back flex under my fingertips, and I feel the heat rising as his thumb draws circles over the most sensitive part of me.

  The impressive bulge under his towel presses into my stomach as he releases my mouth. The tip of his nose skates down my neck and across my clavicle, before I feel the rush of his lips dancing across the crest of my breast. Suddenly, everything feels too much.

  I gasp and quiver as his fingers bring me to a quick and hard orgasm. I squeeze my eyes shut. As I tremble, he moves up and over me, placing his knee on the edge of the bed next to my hip and helping me move higher onto the bed. I melt at the way he looks at me and I sink into the way he makes me feel—like I’m special and important.

  Eagerly my hands find their way to the knot at the top of his towel and quickly I undo it, pushing it to the side before admiring the sight of him. Breathing hard, he sits back and reaches for the top drawer of his nightstand. He pulls it open, grabs some foil packages, and slams it shut before throwing a few onto the bed near my head. I grab one, ignoring the crackling sound it makes as I tear the package open with my teeth.

  Lincoln places a hand next to my head as his face hovers over mine. The stormy shadows normally present in his eyes are gone; in their place are promises.

  He stares down at me as I roll the condom over him. Nerves overtake me as I take in the length of him. He senses my worry and hesitation, a knowing grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. He leans down, placing the lightest of kisses on my lips, and speaks across them, “You can take all of me, Em. I promise. I’ve got you.” His voice is rough.

  I peer up at him, his eyes intent and soft as I trail the fingers of one hand up the line of his spine and my other hand slides over his face, cupping his cheek. His hands are gentle as they skim over the surface of my overheated skin. He wraps one fist around his shaft, and a second later I feel his body press slowly and steadily into mine.

  My breath catches and his eyes drift closed as his forehead falls to mine. I ignore the slight ache of discomfort as I stretch to accommodate his size, instead focusing on the pleasure that suddenly erupts within me at the feel of him inside of me. My thighs tighten around his hips, and he kisses me again as he slowly moves in and out of me.

  “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he breathes against my mouth.

  That bit of knowledge makes my body ache.

  “Oh god . . . Lincoln . . .” I moan.

  He buries his head in my neck, pausing to catch his breath. Impatiently, I raise my hips, and he growls, pushing into me harder. The sounds he’s making low in his throat and deep in his chest cause goose bumps to form all over my skin. Scorching heat races through me. It is familiar, but new. With Lincoln, this is so much bigger than this moment. It’s more intense than I’ve ever felt. He slides in harder and deeper, and I eagerly meet him with each thrust. With every sensation, my body is swept up in the feel of him.

  Lincoln’s mouth meets mine again, swallowing my cries as I lose control and clench around the length of him deep inside of me. He falls apart with a long, deep groan. When he collapses on top of me, breathing heavy, he lifts his head and looks into my eyes.

  “I was wrong,” he says.

  “About what?” I pant, staring at him.

  “I thought I was going to destroy you. It turns out, you’re going to ruin me.”

  9

  I lie awake for hours, listening to the sound of Lincoln’s soft breaths. He demanded I spend the night. I’ve tried to fall asleep, but can’t. I keep replaying all the moments that happened between us last night over and over in my head while I stare at the ceiling.

  My eyes slide to the clock on his nightstand and I groan at the time, thinking about how uncomfortable things will be when the morning light shines through his windows.

  Six weeks is a long time not to see each other. My eyes close with the reminder of all the promises of a future that swirled around in his eyes last night as he looked at me.

  An icy blast of reality hits me.

  I have a boyfriend.

  And I just slept with Lincoln.

  My lids snap open in horror.

  What I have done? How could I be so stupid and irresponsible? I never let myself lose control, but last night, I did just that. I need to end things with Lucas as soon as I get home. Regardless of whether he’s been a shitty boyfriend or not, he doesn’t deserve what I’m doing to him with Lincoln behind his back. And when, or if, he finds out, he’ll hate me for it. I swallow the lump in my throat and my stomach clenches. I cheated on him.

  I maneuver out from under Lincoln’s arm and quietly get dressed, so as not to wake him. Grabbing my shoes, I see the note on the floor and pick it up. Staring down at his sleeping form once more, I exhale and place the note gently on the pillow next to him.

  And like a child, I run away.

  By the time I get back to my dorm room, my entire body is exhausted. I feel cold and empty. I close
the door behind me and in the dark, slide down it, sobbing into my knees.

  Lincoln’s scent is lingering on me. It’s on my clothes, in my hair, and seeping out of my skin. I suck in a deep, grounding breath and manage to stand and make my way to my closet to grab all my shower stuff and fresh clothes. I rush to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, and step into the shower stall, still trembling despite the scalding water.

  The tears don’t stop. They mingle with the dripping water as I scrub my body. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t wash away the memories of how he tasted as he kissed me, or how he felt inside of me. And god help me, I don’t want any of it to wash away.

  Closing my eyes, I let the hot water run over me, staying in the shower until it turns cold, then wrap myself in a towel and get dressed so I can finish packing for break. As soon as I step back into my room, my cell buzzes again. It started going off an hour ago.

  Every five minutes it buzzes and jumps off the nightstand.

  “Em,” Kennison groans from her bed. “Answer your damn phone!”

  I reach over and silence it, then close my suitcase, putting it with my other bags.

  “Why are you up so early?” she grumbles, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

  “My dad’s driver will be here soon. I wanted to get an early start.”

  She pouts. “Why are you in such a hurry? I thought you were dreading going home?”

  I shrug noncommittally. “We have to go, right? Might as well rip the Band-Aid off.”

  “What’s really going on?” she asks quietly.

  “Nothing.”

  “Bullshit. Tell me what’s wrong!”

  I close my eyes, forcing the tears that have pooled in them down my cheeks, before reopening them and meeting her panicked and worried expression.

  “I slept with him,” I whisper.

  “Who? Lincoln?”

  I swallow and nod.

  She clenches her teeth. “Was it bad?”

  “No.”

  “Was he rough? Did he hurt you?”

  “No.”

  She sighs. “Is he like, super tiny?”

  “Kennison!”

  She rolls her eyes. “Jesus, Em. Why all the dramatics, at this hour?”

  I blink a few times. “I don’t know. I just . . . panicked.”

  Kennison tilts her head, considering me. “You’re all wrapped up in him?”

  Nodding, I drop onto her bed, and she wraps her arms around me.

  “I warned you,” she scolds.

  “I know.”

  The display on my cell lights up again, and with a growl, she leans over and grabs my phone off our shared nightstand, thrusting it at me. “You have to call him. You have to at least tell him you’re okay, Em. He probably woke up and freaked out that you were gone.”

  I take my phone from her and stare at all the missed calls from an unknown number.

  She’s right; Lincoln’s probably freaking out.

  My fingers hover over the screen, trying to figure out what I am possibly going to say to him to make myself seem less crazy, when a pounding on the door has both of us turning our attention to it. With a heavy groan, I stand and toss my phone onto my bed.

  Another hard pound has me hesitating with my hand over the handle. I look over my shoulder at Kennison. She’s motioning at me to open the door. With a slow exhale, I pull it open and instantly, I wish I hadn’t. The sight in front of me has me speechless.

  “Lucas?”

  “What the fuck, Emerson? I’ve been calling you all fucking morning.”

  My lips part in shock as I stand in the doorway staring at him.

  Without an invitation, Lucas huffs and storms around me into my room.

  His movement causes me to turn around and watch him as he stands in the middle of the room and throws daggers at me with his eyes, apparently pissed off with my lack of speech and movement.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask.

  “Your father sent me to pick you up. Why the hell haven’t you answered your phone?” he snaps. “What is it with you and not answering my fucking texts or calls?”

  “My phone was on silent,” I point out. “It’s early.”

  “No shit,” he bites out.

  “Your number came up as unknown.”

  “I got a new number. If you ever bothered to call me back, you’d know that.”

  Kennison slips out of bed and steps between us. Trying to defuse the situation, she holds her hand out to Lucas. “Hi. I’m Kennison. Em’s roommate. It’s nice to meet you.”

  Lucas grunts at her and turns his attention to my suitcases. “Is this all your stuff?”

  “Y-yeah, it is,” I stutter, because he’s being uncharacteristically rude.

  “I’ll take it down to the car and let you say your goodbyes. We have an hour drive, so don’t be long,” he snarls, and grabs my stuff, heading out the door without another word.

  “He’s charming.” Kenz doesn’t hide her sarcasm. “This is the guy you’ve been dating?”

  “He was nicer this summer,” I mumble, confused.

  “Well now, he seems like a complete jerk,” she counters.

  “Em?” Lincoln’s deep voice curls around me from the open doorway.

  Kennison’s eyes widen as she holds my gaze before I spin around.

  “Lincoln.”

  Fury is etched all over his expression. It’s mixed with hurt as he stares at me with a challenge in his eyes, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest.

  “You just leave and don’t say goodbye?”

  “I’m going to go brush my teeth,” Kennison announces, grabbing her toiletry bag.

  She quickly slips out of the room and as soon as she does, tension settles in around us.

  “I—” I begin, but he cuts me off.

  “You what? Regret what happened?” His voice is lined with hurt.

  “No.”

  “Did I hurt you?”

  “No, Lincoln. It’s nothing like that.”

  With a relieved exhale, he steps into my room. When he’s close enough, he takes my face between his palms, drops his chin, and looks me in the eyes. “Then what is it?”

  My brows pull together. “It’s just . . .”

  “I thought you were coming?” Lucas barks from the doorway, and Lincoln freezes.

  I try to step back so Lincoln’s hands will fall away from my face, but he holds me still. A flash of surprise crosses his expression before he glances over his shoulder at Lucas, who is scowling at us both. I’m sure the fact that Lincoln is touching me is the reason.

  “I see what it is,” Lincoln says.

  When Lincoln’s focus returns back to me, his eyes lock with mine and he throws me a dangerous smirk. My mouth opens to speak, but suddenly, Lincoln’s lips are on mine in a dizzying kiss. He groans loudly and pulls me to him as his hands leave my face and grab my ass, pushing me against him, as if he’s claiming me, stealing me away from Lucas.

  Annoyed, I push at his chest and take a few steps back. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “What the hell is going on here?” Lucas shouts, moving between us.

  The amusement in Lincoln’s face makes it all too obvious he’s enjoying this. He turns his attention to Lucas and cocks his head to the side with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

  “Who the fuck are you?” Lincoln asks calmly.

  “Lucas. Emerson’s boyfriend.”

  “Emerson’s boyfriend?” The way he says my full name has a harsh bite to it.

  “That’s right, asshole.”

  “She never mentioned you,” Lincoln goads him.

  “Lincoln,” I warn, and take a step toward him, but Lucas pushes me away.

  I don’t know if it’s because Lucas pushed me, or because he put his hand on me, but Lincoln sees red, grabs him by the shirt, and tosses him to the side. Lucas falls onto my bed as Lincoln grabs my hand and yanks me behind him protectively.

  “Don’t ever fucking put your han
ds on her like that,” he spits out, pointing at Lucas.

  Lucas chuckles and stands, fixing his shirt. “She’s my girlfriend. I’ll put my hands on her all day if I want to. I don’t know who the hell you are. Emerson, get over here.”

  “Stop it. Both of you,” I yell, and try to step around Lincoln, but he doesn’t let me.

  “Em isn’t going anywhere with you,” Lincoln says to Lucas.

  “Em?” Lucas mocks. “Tell your trashy friend goodbye. We need to leave.”

  Finally managing to slip out of Lincoln’s vise grip, I jump in front of him as he advances on Lucas again. Pushing on his chest, I look up at him, pleading with my eyes.

  “Stop,” I whisper. “Lincoln, please.”

  His heated gaze falls to mine. “Tell me you’re not going with him?”

  I fall silent.

  Lucas huffs and storms toward the door. “Five minutes, Emerson. Then I’m leaving.”

  We watch as he storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

  “He’s an asshole,” Lincoln says darkly.

  “Lucas may be an asshole, but he’s my boyfriend. I owe him an explanation.”

  “You owe him nothing.”

  “I do. And you and I both know it.”

  Lincoln shakes his head. “I can’t let you go with him. He put his hands on you.”

  “He isn’t dangerous,” I assure him. “He’s upset. And he has a right to be.”

  “Is he why you left this morning?”

  “No. I didn’t know he was coming here.”

  “I don’t like it.” Lincoln shakes his head. “I don’t like him.”

  “It’s not for you to like. It’s my mess and I need to clean it up. It’s that simple.”

  “Trust me. Nothing about this is fucking simple, Em.”

  Lincoln’s gaze focuses on something over my shoulder. The hard lines of his jaw pop as he clenches his teeth, trying to control his temper and annoyance at the situation.

  “I have to go,” I whisper. “He’s waiting.”

  After a minute, he steps away from me. “Fine.”

  I step toward the door, but he grabs my elbow, stopping me.

  Twisting, I look up into his hard gaze. “Let me go.”