Aequus Read online

  Rionach faces me with a disappointed expression. “Kings have consorts for a reason.”

  I lift a brow at his statement and he rolls his eyes.

  “I’m not suggesting you take one, just that there is a reason in court for them . . . you could do worse than Freya.”

  “I don’t love her,” I all but shout. “He’s right about one thing, though,” I sigh. “Given my mixed bloodline and the stigma it brings with it, I’m lucky to be anyone’s ally.”

  “Alliances shift. And you’re more than just a bloodline.”

  I straighten my shoulders and glare through each visiting royal and dignitary. My jaw tightens with the need to take my aggression out on someone or something.

  The reminder that I’m Gage Gallagher’s son, half gargoyle, claws itself back into my consciousness.

  Gargoyle.

  Like her.

  The sea of guests parts as Freya and my mother make their way to us. Rumors of my mother’s beauty don’t hold a candle to the truth. Her long golden-blonde hair is tied up off her neck this evening, decorated with multiple braids entwined with her favorite lime leaves.

  The queen offers us a warm smile before sliding her matching cognac gaze toward me, then back to her husband. “I noticed Oren was speaking with you both; I trust everything is all right?” Her voice is tight.

  “As always, my love,” Rionach answers. “Oren was simply wishing Tristan a lifetime of happiness,” he charms.

  My mother’s lips twitch. “There are many things I adore about you, Rionach. Your inability to lie is not one.”

  She places her delicate hands on his chest and smiles up at him with nothing but love and adoration.

  “Come, my queen, let me liquor you up so that I might have my way with you later,” he teases, taking her hand and leading her away before she can continue to question me.

  Freya’s gaze meets mine, and she offers a shy smile. “The ballroom seems larger than I recall. Is that possible?”

  “I suppose, given that we haven’t been in here since we were small children,” I reply. “During your game of chase.”

  “I hated that when we were younger I was always following you around, never able to catch you,” she sighs.

  “You still haven’t.” I state firmly, as a reminder that I am not hers, despite what the royal decree says.

  She frowns. “Do you like my dress? It’s from Paris.”

  I study the strapless, forest-green gown. It’s short in the front and long in the back, showing off her lengthy legs.

  Some sort of red-and-pink flower design outlines the opening that drops in the front, reaching to her stomach.

  Her perfect breasts are on show for the room and me.

  The same flowers cascade down around the skirt.

  Freya looks lovely, but it’s not something I’d have picked out for her, or anything that I particularly like.

  “It’s very pretty,” I lie.

  “I was hoping it would please you. I had several to choose from. It was difficult deciding which you’d like.”

  Annoyance floats over me that she’s worried what I like.

  “Why not just pick one that you liked?”

  Serena would have. Her stubborn streak wouldn’t give a fuck what I thought. She’d just wear her favorite.

  “How was your dance with Lord Valka?” I change the subject, because every thought I have comes back to Serena.

  Freya sighs. “He smells bad and speaks very quickly.”

  An honest laugh escapes my lips because it’s true.

  She smiles, seeing my happiness.

  “I’d much rather dance with you,” the nymph coos.

  My eyes float around the ballroom. I suppose now is as good a time as any to stop sulking and embrace my reality.

  I dip my chin and hold my hand out to her. “Shall we, then?”

  A shyness falls over her as she takes my hand. I pull her into my arms and begin to twirl her around the ballroom.

  When I notice that all eyes are on us, I try to control the urge to run and escape. Instead, I smile politely to the crowd and wish it were Serena in my arms, not Freya.

  “You’re going to be a great ruler someday,” she whispers. “Your mere presence commands respect.”

  My gaze follows hers at the eyes watching us. “I do believe they’re staring at you, not your dance partner.”

  “I disagree. It’s obvious how drawn they are to you.”

  “They’re drawn to power and what I can do for them.”

  “I’m not,” she states, her gaze finding mine. “Impressed by your power or title. Or what you can do for me, that is.”

  “Frey—”

  “I prayed for you. Did you know that? As a child, you were all I wanted. I prayed that you’d find the courage to see me. Love me. Whatever the future holds for us, Tristan, whatever may come, I will forever choose you. Loving you will be the best thing I ever do. I promise.”

  Her words force me to stop dancing. All I can do is stand here, look in her eyes, and hold onto her hands—speechless.

  The truth is, I will break her heart. And believe it or not, the thought pains me, because she doesn’t deserve this.

  None of us do.

  I breathe in deeply and close my eyes. Like a spring breeze before the storm, the scent of fresh flowers assaults me.

  My head jerks up and I snap open my lids. Releasing Freya, I spin on my heel and lock gazes with a set of deep blue, uncertain eyes as they flicker from me to Freya.

  At the sight of her, my entire body seizes and the world around me ceases to exist. All I see is Serena St. Michael.

  I hold her stare, afraid to look away, afraid this feeling of peace she brought will leave me as fast as it appeared.

  And it does.

  Zander steps to her side, taking her hand in his, kissing it, and my world fades to red. All I see is red. Fucking red!

  Rage boils within me and before I know what I’m doing, I take a furious step toward them, ignoring Freya’s small hands around my elbow as she tries to stop me.

  With a harsh yank, I toss her off my arm and continue to storm toward my brother and Serena, ready to tackle him and hammer my fists into his chest and face.

  Zander smirks with amusement and takes a slight step in front of Serena, causing me to stop dead in my tracks, confused.

  What the fuck is he doing? Protecting her? From me?

  The room falls silent.

  All laughter and music has ceased.

  A crack echoes in my ears and tugs at my core.

  Lightning?

  No. It’s my heart shattering into a million fucking pieces, along with the last piece of my protector bond to her.

  Serena’s eyes widen and she presses her hand over her heart, feeling our bond disappear. The fierce protector in front of me suddenly looks weak, terrified, and wrecked.

  The emptiness hits me so hard, I’m forced to suck in a deep breath. My chest cracks, just a bit, as I mindlessly stare at her, and she back at me—both of us panicked.

  Sensing something is off, Zander presses his lips together in a tight smile, walks over to me, and wraps his arm around my shoulder before announcing aloud, “It’s okay, please continue to celebrate. My brother is just taken aback by how good-looking and sharply dressed I am.”

  A light murmur begins to float around the ballroom as the music picks up and the room comes to life again.

  “What is happening?” Freya asks, confused, as she appears in front of me with a worried expression.

  I ignore the concern in her eyes.

  “I’m afraid Tristan has lost his way,” Zander states.

  What the hell is he doing?

  “You’re making it worse,” I whisper-growl. “Just stop.”

  “His way?” Freya repeats. “Are you okay?” she asks me.

  Zander takes Freya’s hand and squeezes. “Do not fret, princess, he will find it again. Because if he doesn’t,” he turns to face me, “I imagine the other half
of his soul will be disappointed, and the last person our future king needs to disappoint is the one he lives for,” he finishes. “Right?”

  Freya turns to face Zander, her gaze shifting from my brother to Serena. “What in the water realm are you babbling on about? And what is she doing here?”

  He clears his throat. “She’s with me. We’re courting.”

  I jerk away and mutter, “I have to go.”

  “Tristan, wait!” Freya yells after me, but I ignore her and stumble out of the ballroom.

  With every step, I try to catch my breath. I make a beeline for the front doors, pushing them both open with enough force to bring down the entire castle.

  Resentment and anger boil under my skin. I release a painful roar that is so raw, it slices through the realm with a fierce shake, as I fall to my knees and yank on my hair, trying to pull oxygen into my burning lungs again.

  After a few moments, I stand and run. Toward the only place in the realm that I know I’ll be safe. Secure. Alone.

  Tristan

  MOMENTS LATER, THE WELL-LIT, MODERN CABIN appears through the forest. Home. I follow the cobblestone pathway, climb the stairs, and open the front door, falling in.

  One inside, I slide my back down the door and sink to the hardwood floor with an uncaring thud.

  My palms rub away the moisture on my cheeks as the tears fall from my eyes and sheer pain overtakes me.

  Zander’s right. What little direction I had left just disappeared, along with Serena’s and my protector bond.

  Serena and I are no longer connected. My heart continues to thud and rumble in my chest as if it has permanently lost its reason for continuing to beat.

  Almost instantly, my brother appears out of thin air. I lift my angered gaze and pin him with a menacing look.

  His black velvet suit shimmers with each movement as I curb the desire to strangle him with his vernal-colored tie.

  “Dude! Are you . . . crying?” he accuses, shocked.

  I stand in a fierce pose and sneer at him. “I told you to watch over her and protect her. Not bed or COURT her.”

  A guilty expression falls across his face. “When you’re king, you’ll have to be a bit more specific with your orders.”

  My swing is hard and fast as my fist connects with his jaw. Zander’s head snaps to the side with a loud popping sound that ricochets off the walls.

  “What the hell, Tristan? Warn me before you try to kill me,” he barks, and pushes me so hard I fall on my ass.

  I lift an eyebrow, seething. “Fucking warn you?”

  “Look, I know you’re all heartbroken and shit, but do you have to be violent toward the one being who has always had your back?” He turns to the side and spits out a mouthful of blood. “You have to trust me. You asked me to protect her. I can’t do that if I’m dead.”

  “Valid point,” I grind out.

  “Now,” he holds his hands up in surrender. “No attacking me. I’m going to help you get to your feet, and then we can talk about all this. With words, not fists.”

  Zander holds his hand out and pulls me upright.

  “Such a gentleman,” I growl.

  He grins. “That’s what she said,” he teases, and I lift my fist to punch him again, but then she steps out of the shadows.

  “Stop!” Her voice wraps around me like the warmth of the sunshine. “Please,” she whispers, gutting me.

  A long, silent moment passes between us as we just stare at one another and the rest of the world fades away.

  “Hi,” she says softly, breaking the silence.

  My brows rise. “Hi?” I repeat, my voice pitching higher in surprise.

  Her shoulders fall. “I’m not sure what else to say. This is way more uncomfortable than I thought it would be.”

  “Maybe you could tell me what the hell you’re doing in a realm that has forbidden your presence. Or perhaps you’d like to explain to me why you’re attending my premarital celebrations.” I narrow my gaze. “Wait, how about we start off with something simple,” I shrug. “Like why the fuck it is my brother is apparently COURTING YOU NOW!” I roar.

  “Calm down.” Zander says in warning.

  My focus snaps to him. “Are you seriously protecting her? Did you not just see how your actions in the ballroom shattered our bond?” I bark, and notice Serena bristle.

  She steps forward. “During Zander’s unrelenting and insufferable presence at the Academy, we’ve become friends. He needed an escort to your upcoming celebration, as Magali was unable to attend. My clan, your mother, and I all agreed to allow him to court me so that I might accompany him into the realm because, well,” she pauses, then screams, “YOU BANISHED ME!”

  “FOR A REASON!” I shout back, and quickly inhale my anger through my nose as not to explode on her again.

  This is the first time I’ve been this close to her since I trampled all over her heart and ruined any future chance I had of being with her. And it hurts. It fucking hurts.

  “I did it to protect you, so that you didn’t have to watch me marry another. Yet, here you are. Willingly,” I state.

  My brother clears his throat. “I’m just going to step outside and let you two work this out.”

  “You do that,” I snip.

  He stares me down. “Don’t hurt her—any more than you already have.”

  “Is that a threat?” I snarl.

  Zander sighs. “I refuse to get into a pissing match with you right now. Believe me, her love for you is unwavering.”

  Once he leaves, I lift my gaze and stare at her as the bitterness festering inside me keeps getting worse. At any moment, I am just going to go ballistic from it all.

  I close my eyes, trying to convince myself that if I can’t see her, it won’t hurt as badly. Her being here—it cuts deep.

  I want her.

  But I can’t have her.

  She isn’t mine.

  “Tristan,” Serena whispers next to me.

  I stiffen, refusing to open my eyes, because if I look at her face, or if she touches me, I’m done for. Game over.

  “Don’t be like this . . .”

  “I miss you,” I admit in a quiet voice. “So damn much, and I wish . . . I wish I wasn’t bound to Freya, but I am. I must respect who I am and what I’m meant to do. And you need to understand that. You should go back to the Academy. Our bond is severed. You’re free.” I swallow the lump in my throat and open my eyes but still refuse to look at her. “I have to keep my promises to my monarchy. If I don’t, realms will fall. I can’t have innocent blood on my hands, especially when it could be yours. I have no choice.”

  Serena is in my face so fast that I jerk back with a curse as she presses me against the wall, pointing a finger in my chest as she pins me with her narrowed gaze.

  “There is always a choice. I refuse to allow you to justify your actions by saying your hands are tied. You once told me that you believed we can change the outcome of our destiny. That history proves it to us, over and over again. Don’t give up on this—on us—as easily as you are.”

  I reach for her hand, but she pulls away.

  “You should be at the Academy, where you are safe, princess.” A pregnant pause beats between us.

  Anger crosses her face at being called princess. I know she hates it, which is why I used it. For a second, I think she might just take a swing at me. It wouldn’t be the first time.

  Instead, she exhales slowly and backs away, making her way toward the door . . . and no doubt back to my brother.

  With her hand on the knob, she tugs it open, but before walking out she turns and faces me, speaking firmly.

  “Until all the air has left my lungs, I will fight for you. I will protect you. I will choose you, because you’re my fate.”

  Serena

  I IGNORE THE SLIGHT CHILL IN the air as I step onto the front deck of Tristan’s cabin. Exhaling slowly, I seek out Zander.

  He’s sitting in one of the Adirondack chairs by the fire pit. Full lips are p
ressed into a hard stare as he silently watches the flames dance in the evening’s darkness. His jaw is swollen where Tristan hit him and he’s stretching his neck from side to side, probably trying to alleviate the ache.

  Quietly, I approach him. “Well, that went well.”

  He chuckles. “We’re both still alive, so I think it did.”

  Offering a small smile, I sit in the empty chair.

  “Sorry that Tristan used your face as a punching bag.”

  He shrugs. “I expected it. I would be pissed off too if the love of my life were suddenly being courted by my brother.”

  “You didn’t deserve his anger, or moment of insanity.”

  A flash of something crosses his face. “Don’t I, though?”

  I press a hand over my heart. Now that the adrenaline has worn off, the emptiness and ache caused by the severing of our protector bond is settling in. It’s funny, for the first few months I didn’t even realize we shared the bond, but now that it’s gone, completely, I don’t feel whole.

  “You okay?” Zander motions with his chin to my heart.

  “It hurt for a second, but—now, it’s just a dull ache.”

  “I’m sorry if my stepping between you two snapped it.”

  “It was just a matter of time before it disappeared fully.”

  His lips twitch as a comfortable silence falls between us.

  “This is going to be so much harder than I thought it would be. Seeing him—with her—tonight . . .” I trail off.

  “Hey,” Zander takes my hand and squeezes. “You’re not alone here. You’ve got me; we’ll get through it. Together.”

  “If you were smart, you’d run for the hills.”

  “I don’t run,” he holds my gaze. “I stay, and fight.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper.

  “And don’t think I’m being nice, either.” He sits back and folds his hands behind his head. “I have a bet to win.”

  “What a lovely sentiment.”

  He grins, and I can’t help but laugh at his goofiness.

  “It’s nice to see the two of you getting along so well.”

  Zander and I dart to our feet and bow before Queen Ophelia. Freya steps to the queen’s side, wearing an ugly scowl on her face as she looks us over with annoyance.